With all the major upheaval in my life and changes happening at the speed of life, I find myself on a very unfamiliar pathway. I find, like many others on the pathway before me, I am changing from my experiences giving myself growing pains. Moving is never easy, but this change is a welcome one. All I need to know is where I'm going to live. Hubby is going to search a few different apartment communities this thursday and I pray he finds us a place to live.
Today, I found myself wandering through what was left of our store. My mother-in-law saw me looking around and asked me how I was doing. I dropped my mask and told her I was having a hard time these past few days. She understood. With tears in her eyes she openly wondered if my hubby, her son, really understood what I was going through. She said she thought he should know...but I stopped her. Truth be told I don't want him to know the extent of what I've been dealing with emotionally.
Let me tell you why... When I was six months pregnant with my youngest, Molly, I needed surgery to remove my gallbladder. Before the surgery as the attacks increased I found myself often on the floor curled up in a ball, willing the pain to disappear so I wouldn't have to take any medication that could possibly have an effect on my unborn baby. I have a fairly high tolerance dealing with pain. I can take more than many men with no problem. What I find worse is seeing the helplessness in my husband's eyes. He felt helpless at that moment while I dealt with the pain. He felt helpless as I cringed after having a c-section. He felt helpless when I suffered through two big bouts of pneumonia. THAT pain is not one I can handle. It was at this moment I became the rock I am.
So, dear friends, along with this chapter of my life here closing...a new chapter opens. What will be written? I do not know. What I do know is that my life will begin again...and someday I will become me.