Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I Admit....I Failed

Some have heard the saying: "The person with the brightest smile hides the biggest sadness." I admit wholeheartedly this was the case for me. I was working 40 hours a week, carrying a full load and attending school full time as well. I found myself, more times than I can count, working all night and then completing a full day at school last semester going a full 48 hours before actually getting to sleep. I admit hating my life and breaking down to ask what I did to deserve this. Yes, I hit rock bottom....and smiled through it. I posted for a promotion at a different location and expected to be treated with support. Instead was called a traitor by my manager. For two weeks I endured her harsh treatment. I vowed not to let her win. The job I'd applied for was canceled and I was forced to think why I had to go through this? So frustrated I nearly wanted to throw my hands up and cry out to the Lord. And then I truly opened my eyes. My son has found his calling in the Air Force ROTC. He has been appointed Chief Commander and has taken on immense responsibilities and I am truly proud of him. He plans on attending college and enlisting in the Air Force as an officer. My oldest daughter completed a small hurdle in making her dream come true. When she was 5 years old she spoke with one of the kids in our ward about BYU. He played football for the Cougars at the time and told her what BYU was. She decided at age 5 she was going to BYU. Knots formed in my stomach as we waited for the answer. First I watched her dance around the room after being accepted to BYU-Idaho. Then much to our shock....BYU accepted my baby. The girl can't stop smiling...including picking her dorm room. Bee has been developing her talent in photography. She has enjoyed being herself and hanging out with me. Hubby and I enjoyed our first vacation. We dropped the kids off at EFY at BYU and we enjoyed our own adventure. We spent a day with friends at temple first time ever. We even went ziplining. Yes...I screamed and laughed like I hadn't laughed in so long. It felt good. Then I came home...and it was back to the grindstone. I continued to work my fingers to the bone working all odd hours rarely having a holiday or weekend off. Finally, after long hours of craziness, torture and going nearly 4 years without going to church....I was given a promotion to Property Coordinator. This means I work majority days with most weekends off. It means I get a pay raise. It means I regain my sanity and most of all I get to spend time with my family for once. I come home to my kids. Yes, I crumbled....but I make a great comeback!!!