Monday, April 27, 2009
I've been...well, standing on a bridge of sorts. I've received tons of messages about my absence from the blogging world. Believe me, I've been there, I just haven't had the strength to be part of everyone's world. Please understand, I am perfectly fine, but when stresses fall upon me I tend to withdraw while my mind, heart and spirit until I am ready to again stand in the sun.
During this trying time I chose to withdraw my words because someone close mentioned that I had not called and let them know what was going on...they had to read it here. To my defense i hadn't even called my parents early on. Sometimes I find it is easier to write my feelings down to help myself see things a bit more clearly before I can tell anyone else. I don't know why, but it is my version of therapy. I know and trust my fellow bloggers as much as my family and yet I know I don't have to face you. I can sit here and tell you everything is wonderful...lie my little heart out and be miserable....OR I can write down my feelings, helping myself to sort them out in my head before having to speak the words. After contemplating these thoughts for a very long time along with prayer I am back. I will continue to write down my thoughts...before even I talk to my mother about them as it is what I need to make it through this trial.
Right now, I am walking towards a bridge...and as this photo was one of my favorite bridges it seemed appropriate. The bridge I am walking towards is my new life coming up. We all cross bridges moving from one season in our life to the next. We all approach new adventures, sometimes wondering if the bridge is strong enough to support us. It is through fasting and prayer that many of us approach a bridge using our faith to walk across knowing the weight on our shoulders at the time will not weaken the supports and crash to the waters below.
Not only are we planning a move, where my husband is standing on the top of the bridge, testing its strength so to speak, but to prepare is a lot of work. This time...I'm going on my terms. In the past few days it has culminated to the point where I have learned a few things about myself. The most important...I have strength. I have the strength to organize my family for the move. I have the strength to let go of things that I truly loved and realize...they are only things. I have the strength to find solutions to plaguing problems. I have strength to tell my children everything will be all right...and mean it. I have the strength to accomplish tasks normally saved for hubby. I have the strength to make decisions for the welfare of our family.
I feel blessed to have the friends around us checking in. I am not kidding you when I tell you I don't go a full day without at least three or four people calling, stopping by and checking in on me. I am truly grateful and pray that once this trial is finished I can be that same support to someone else.
A special thanks to my bloggy buddies checking in on me. I love you all.