Helpful Hint number 3,201,452

While plugging in your laptop...

Never touch the prongs as it slips into the socket. YOWZA!!!!!
Shocking experience!!!

The Bridge...

I've been...well, standing on a bridge of sorts. I've received tons of messages about my absence from the blogging world. Believe me, I've been there, I just haven't had the strength to be part of everyone's world. Please understand, I am perfectly fine, but when stresses fall upon me I tend to withdraw while my mind, heart and spirit until I am ready to again stand in the sun.

During this trying time I chose to withdraw my words because someone close mentioned that I had not called and let them know what was going on...they had to read it here. To my defense i hadn't even called my parents early on. Sometimes I find it is easier to write my feelings down to help myself see things a bit more clearly before I can tell anyone else. I don't know why, but it is my version of therapy. I know and trust my fellow bloggers as much as my family and yet I know I don't have to face you. I can sit here and tell you everything is wonderful...lie my little heart out and be miserable....OR I can write down my feelings, helping myself to sort them out in my head before having to speak the words. After contemplating these thoughts for a very long time along with prayer I am back. I will continue to write down my thoughts...before even I talk to my mother about them as it is what I need to make it through this trial.

Right now, I am walking towards a bridge...and as this photo was one of my favorite bridges it seemed appropriate. The bridge I am walking towards is my new life coming up. We all cross bridges moving from one season in our life to the next. We all approach new adventures, sometimes wondering if the bridge is strong enough to support us. It is through fasting and prayer that many of us approach a bridge using our faith to walk across knowing the weight on our shoulders at the time will not weaken the supports and crash to the waters below.

Not only are we planning a move, where my husband is standing on the top of the bridge, testing its strength so to speak, but to prepare is a lot of work. This time...I'm going on my terms. In the past few days it has culminated to the point where I have learned a few things about myself. The most important...I have strength. I have the strength to organize my family for the move. I have the strength to let go of things that I truly loved and realize...they are only things. I have the strength to find solutions to plaguing problems. I have strength to tell my children everything will be all right...and mean it. I have the strength to accomplish tasks normally saved for hubby. I have the strength to make decisions for the welfare of our family.

I feel blessed to have the friends around us checking in. I am not kidding you when I tell you I don't go a full day without at least three or four people calling, stopping by and checking in on me. I am truly grateful and pray that once this trial is finished I can be that same support to someone else.

A special thanks to my bloggy buddies checking in on me. I love you all.

We all have those friends...

I'm sure you can picture that person right now in your mind...you know the one! The one who when you say the statement: "I'm fine," they know you are isntantly not fine. It could be your BFF, your husband, the old lady living next door, or even your grocery store clerk.

Today, I would like to celebrate these friends. I would like to celebrate the people who take their time to know us, love us and offer us a hand up when we are down.

Today, my friends, I celebrate YOU!!! I know I have been down lately and realized last night as I dialed a friend how easily I can be read. I explained to him I give my all to my husband and kids...after that I just fold because I don't have enough for myself. He understood. I received his encouragement, his hand to help me back up and appreciated the friend I have had for so many years. I very much look forward to being reunited with my sweet husband and restarting our crazy life. Though things may look bleak now there is a ray of sun reminded me of what is on the horizon.

Thank you all for your hope, your help, and your prayers. I couldn't make it without you.

How do you say....?

So, with hubby away searching for a job I find myself manning the store, the kids, the home....whatever.

Anyway, sitting here in the store clearancing out the final products on the shelves people wander in throughout the day. A sweet customer of ours came in and was looking to see what he could use. Unfortunately this particular gentleman struggles with english and speaks about 95% spanish with only about 5% english. He brought sheath cleaner up to the counter and asked me what it was. My face turned bright red because I couldn't explain it and I truly did not want to draw a picture.

I knew this man didn't have any pigs so i told him it was for the pigs...don't worry, I've already repented. I think Heavenly Father understands.

For those who've never been around horses...to put it delicately it is to clean a stallion in private areas.

Yeah!!! What would you have done?

Bryan's Night...

Tonight, we spent the evening driving to the regional school offices for Bryan. He is an AVID student in his school. The program teaches proper study habits, how to take notes in school and his grades show the difference. Last year he was receiving 1's and 2's in many of his grades. This year, the first trimester he has shown his grades take off and he has now rid himself of the dreaded 1's and 2's. He now has mostly A's and B's and just one C. I am so proud of all the hard work he has put into his studies and improvement. Because of all ofhis hard work he has gone to Saint Mary's College to receive a tour of the campus and then enjoyed wathcing a basketball game all on a school night. He returned home far after midnight, but even though he was tired the next morning he didn't bat an eye when I told him it was time to go to school.

Today I am proud of my son who has shown courage and hard work. Tonight it paid off in a small way as he received letters from members of the US Congress, US House of Representatives, Mayors and certificates from all. He learned what hard work in his studies can get him and now he excitedly talks about going to college. He said: "Mom, I'm sorry it's going to be so expensive." I told him it will be worth every single penny!!!

Today he feels like a million pennies!!!! Congratulations Bryan!!!

Loss of a Crown...Priceless.

I am not a beauty queen nor am I a fan of beauty pageants. However, today I stand a cheer for a beautiful woman from my state...who lost. Miss California made headlines...not for winning, but for losing with grace and dignity. As part of the pageant she was asked about her beliefs on gay marriage. To the surprise of everyone including the judges...one of which I am fairly certain happens to be gay...announced her beliefs to millions of people across the United States just to stand there and get boo'ed. It's never easy to stand for what you believe, but even harder when opposition is focused directly on you.

I believe the saddest part is that at least one judge has come out and said her beliefs were the reason she didn't win. That is a sad statement to me. Instead of the admiring her standing for what she believed, in the hardest circumstances with a smile on her face. It's a shame they can't vote for her poise under pressure rather than the fact her answer did not coincide with their beliefs...then and only then is world peace possible>

Way to go Miss California!!!!

Just Saucy...

OK!!! So I was wandering over to the brand spankin' new Mormon Mommy Blogs It's now hit dot com status. Congrats girls!!!! I love the categories and then I got curious...Where would my blog fit in? I wandered around checking all the fabulous blogs out there and I found out I have obtained "Saucy" status. I'm likin it!!! I've been called many things before: sassy, funny, annoying (although that is only when I nag my kids to do their chores), but never saucy.

Today I claim the title and welcome it to my small collection. I am even tempted to change the title of my blog to "Just Saucy"

What do you think?!?!

As for life around me...we keep pushing along, hoping to knock down another domino.
We'll see!!! Have a great day all!!!

An Odd Day...

It was a strange mixup of emotions this morning. The kids and I got ready for church and made it on time and all was well with the world...or so I thought. I prepared my tithing to pay and felt good about it all. I knew Don would be finding a job very soon. I felt so calm with fasting and such and such a sense of peace fell within my heart. It was at that moment I began to channel the "tearful testimony" giver and I began to cry...for absolutely no reason. I still haven't discovered what happened or why. I was sooo emotional!!! Perhaps it was because the stress was finally sliding off my back and all was well with the world. Or perhaps it was just missing hubby. In the end I think it was a mix of both. I feel calm and grateful or those around me. I am grateful for all those who came to put their arms around me and check up on our family. A smile. A laugh. A fabulous joke.

now, I am at home...relaxing with the kids...gearing up for a nice long week of running from place to place. Hubby has a busy week. He has lots of leads for this week and a job fair to get started with. I know with how everything is falling into place we are on the right pathway. I mean really, how amazing is it for him to have gotten one of the last seats on a flight? How amazing that I sold all of the tack and such in one shot. We shall see what happens next. Things are just beginning to fall into place...I would be so much happier if I could jsut sell the property...there's always tomorrow!!!

Crispy Critters...

Before I begin...please all don't be jealous of our lovely California weather. We were in the 80's today with a slight breeze...Just enough to cool us all off....perfect garage sale weather!!!! And yes, we had a major garage sale. It was a very lucrative day for us all. I'll be following it up with another one in a few weeks to continue to downsize our home. We had four families in front of the house and it was great. Although now I think we are all a bit crispy and sunburnt. Summer's around the corner. It's gonna hurt tomorrow. I know...you all are feeling VERY sorry for us...We had a blast!!!

Do you have a dream?

My dear friends...do you have a dream? I do...I aspire to write and become an author. I long to see my words bound and being held int he arms of an excited reader jumping up and down saying: "I've got her new book!!!" Are dreams impossible? The world will tell you yes. The world will tell you not to bother dreaming as dreams do not come true. It is impossible!!! This is why I love the statement i have splashed across the top of my blog. It is kind of fun to do the impossible. Walt is indeed my hero. And today i would like to introduce you to a new hero of mine. Susan Boyle...a church lady from Glasgow trying something new. Tears filled my eyes as I watched her dare to do the impossible here. And now my friends, I shall hibernate a bit to dream my own dreams. I'll still be here, but the time has coem to jump in full force and dream a dream of my own. I'll still be here popping in and out, but I will take some time to work on my own dream. Enjoy this dream!!!

8 highways,2 canceled flights, 2 airports and 1 child with a fever.

So, tell me...how was our day? Just checking before I launch into the craziness that is my life. Yesterday was heartbreaking as I dragged 2 out of the 3 of my beautiful children to school. My oldest put on a brave face, but tears gave away her sadness as she kept her back to me and walked along. I handed her a napkin and whispered..."I understand." She squeezed my hand and we left it at that. No embarrassment needed. She's fine now. My youngest decided to get a raging fever and so she stayed home for her second day in a row and was forced out of bed to sit in a truck on an adventure of a lifetime in trying to get one man to San Antonio, Texas.

I was struck with the idea of leaving for the airport at 10:30am even though his flight didn't depart until 1:17pm. You can never be too early...Yes, that is the travel agent in my sneaking out. Needless to say as we were nearly to San Jose...as I am cheap and will book the cheapest flight. there was a $300 difference between that flight and the one from good ol' S.F. San Jose it is!!! we received a call from dear ol' United Airlines. They had canceled the second leg of his trip from Denver.

Any peeps from Denver out there?!?! If there are then I love ya!!! Just not your football team. Sorry. I was born in San Diego and my Grandpa used to take me to the Chargers games...but I digress. it turns out that a huge spring snowstorm was due in and would stop the travel out of the airport. Who in Denver ordered the snow?!? And in April?!?!

Now that the entire population of Denver has left my blog...

The sweet folks of United got him into one of the last two seats on a flight from S.F. So...off we traveled up the peninsula to S.F. where we sent him off again. This time his flight was on time. He made it to L.A. and then onto San Antonio....Thanks United!!!

I made it home with the sickie and managed to get groceries before the other two needed to be picked up from school, picked up a donation of chocolate from a friend (much needed!!) and I hunkered down for the night ignoring the world around me and snuggling with my kids.

The truth is...after the hectic day I feel calm as a summer's morn. All will be well in the end and I am thankful for that. It is a wonderful thing for Hubby to have made it to San Antonio and be looking for jobs. He is taking it very serious and is making sure he works hard and doesn't waste any time. I am proud of him for sticking his head out on the chopping block. He is a good man Charlie Brown and I love him dearly!!! It won't be long and we will all be adjusting to our new lives in San Antonio. What a great thing it is and I am grateful for the support of my Heavenly Father and most especially from family and friends.

Thank you for being my personal cheering section as well as my friends and supports. I feel your prayers and warm thoughts floating in from various points in the US and around the world. I learned from a friend that sometimes life kicks you in the teeth... and afterwards your life turns into something you never expected and you become stronger.

Thanks to you all!!!

All Is Well...

Honestly, we are doing well over here. Don is finally packed and ready for tomorrow to come. Of course there is a hint of sadness in the air, but not as bad as you'd think. Tonight my hubby will lovingly give each child a blessing before sending them off to bed. Tomorrow morning he will wake up with them and mess with them while they all try to get ready for school. We will take a slow drive out to the airport tomorrow and I will drop him off before coming home to my lovely empty house...

Now before you try to cheer me up I have a confession....I'm fine. I hate to see my kids struggle with their Daddy being gone, but at the same time...I'm all right. I will take the chance to do a few things that are simply not done in our household.

First and foremost we will have a Twilight fest on "hubby's" big screen. Mwahaha!!

Next I will watch Ghost Hunters in HD...Oh yeah baby!!! Don is not a fan. I simply think the whole process is interesting...besides, I love to see Steve and Tango argue like the odd couple. Too funny!!!

I will write to my hearts content. After the kids are in bed I can pop in my Ipod and sit down at the computer and let my thoughts rip into action.

We will have Brinner at least several times a week...Brinner= Breakfast for dinner.

I will have fun with the kids including playing Mario Party 8...and kicking their teenage booties!!!

In the end, we will make the best of a bad situation.
Thank you all for your loving messages and support. I can't make it without you!!!
Love to you all!

Yesterday...

Yesterday was our last full day together as a family for some time. We started out very slow as my youngest has developed a perfectly lovely cough and just wanted to snuggle between her parents. We watched "The Man From Snowy River." A classic if you've never seen it. Believe it or not, after growing up in the mountains of Lake Tahoe I realize there is a big difference between a mountain dweller and a flatlander. I was discussing it with a customer who grew up in Alaska. She instantly recognized me as a Mountain Girl as I did her. Hubby sat confused as to what we were even talking about...he's a flatlander.

Anyway, after getting a slow start we showered and got ready for the day. We decided to spend some time with the kids up at the temple. They love to go there and my youngest most especially. We walked around the temple grounds and climbed the stairs leading to the rooftop gardens. We looked out at the golden bay shining in the distance. Below us people rushed from place to place in Oakland while the buildings almost glimmered in San Francisco. Then the cold icy wind hit us. Has anyone told Mother Nature we are finished with winter yet? It was fairly cold. We stopped by the large doors hidden away from prying eyes. Molly leaned in and peeked between the doors to look inside the temple. With the small crack she can see a sitting area outside the dressing rooms and chapel where when we finish our work we sit and wait for our spouses to emerge. My kids have always loved the temple. She is the final one waiting to begin her service inside performing baptisms for the dead.

We walked around the visitor's center and then Molly hit the wall. We didn't know it then, but a fever was starting. We came home and she jumped in her pajamas and snuggled up in a blanket. She nearly fell asleep on the couch. It was at that particular moment I felt how warm she was and instantly regretted dragging her to the temple. I assumed it was simply a cold from camping, but it turned out to be more. Poor little bug. She desperately wants to go to school today, but I think she'd be better off relaxing at home until she is 100% better.

Tomorrow, I take Don to the airport and he will fly away to hit Texas big time with interviews and eventually find a job down there. So, on the agenda for me today...plastering hubby's resume all over the internet, working in the store, taking care of Molly, mutual tonight, find some time to buy milk, family scripture study time, father's blessings for the kids and of course deal with everyone's sadness for the departure while postponing my own until everyone is asleep on Thursday. Yay me!!!

It's going to be a tough week....

We had a great tiem together as a family camping, which is what we'd hoped for. Molly was a little more quiet than the rest. She had fun riding her bike, hanging out with friends, but she was still quiet nonetheless. I could see in her eyes and she curled up on her camp chair snuggled in her favorite blankie, which coincidently she stole from me, but that's an entirely different story. As she sat quietly her eyes followed her Daddy all around camp and I flashed back to Oregon. I'd seen that look before. It was the days leading up to Dad going out of town for work. Molly is Daddy's girl in every possible way. To see him leave for any length of time is heartbreaking to her...and to me watching it.

Don and I feel the calmness in our hearts and feel a peace in the decision we made to send him down there. We know it will be a tough time, but is necessary nonetheless. He worries about how we are going to move our things down to Texas. I calmly explain that if I had to I could actually drive the three days with the kids and all would be well. He shakes his head knowing full well it is incredibly true. We'll hold on to that calmness.

As for me, I have quite the agenda to keep me busy. I've got the kids to keep me on my toes. I've got to close down the business, prepare for the garage sale on Saturday, plan the menu and food purchases for Girl's Camp, grocery shop, attend to my calling, and somehow make everything balance in place. We'll see how good a juggler I am.

Do we HAVE to come home?!?!

Seriously, camping is about as far from reality as you can get for me. The secret is...I needed it!!! I am a few short days away from my ternal sweetie flying away for what looks to be over a month as he looks for a job and I am sad to see him go, but the kids and I will make it through this new little adventure. I am bound and determined to make it along the way and make each day a lasting moment for my kids. We are haivng a garage Sale on Saturday so that should be good. I plan to rid myself of a lot of non-essentials that I am not going to use. Why carry more than we need or want down to Texas right? That's what I thought.In my free time I may even scan some items into my computer and rid myself of the paper records...you know like your kids' first hoemwork from kindergarten. I need to break down my office at work and bring it home. I'll set Don to work on that Wednesday. Perfect timing!!!


Anyway, Camping was blissfully happy. We had a good time with our friends and family hiking and really enjoying nature....however not enjoying the group of inconsiderate campers who decided to blast their pounding rap music across the way until late at night. Silently we prayed there would be no repeat the second night. of course it also helped that we talked loudly outside their campsite at 7am the following morning and talking about how disrespectful they were...Hmmm...I wonder.


Needless to say we had a great time. It was quite chilly, but well worth it. My favorite part was reading our scriptures around the campfire on Saturday night and Spending Easter evening sharing a thought about what Easter means to us. The kids were quite profound!!!

I hope you all had a beautiful Easter!!!

We're off...

Far away from the Easter Bunny's eyes we will dwell in a tent. Well, at least for the next two nights. The kids Don and I are trying to spend a lot fo quality time before D-day happens on Thursday. It is time for Don to find another job and since our goal is to make it to San Antonio...he will be looking there. We have booked him a flight on Thursday afternoon our of San Jose for his trip there. In all honesty it should take him no time to find something. I ahve thrown out about 25 resumes and have received two phone calls with interest. I told him it doesn't matter what he is doing as long as he earns his money properly. We don't know how long we will be seperated. It could be a month or so. This is an unseen path we don't know where it will take us, but we are looking forward to the end of this small path. Before you all get too sad we have been through worse before. Being apart isn't too much of a worry to me. He will be at his brother's house and I will be here until moneywise we can finagle it. I love that word. Our friends and neighbors are there for us. We've got our family behind us 100% and that is all I need. So, onto a blissful weekend and final few days before my eternal sweetheart departs.

R & R.....

Tomorrow has almost arrived and we are on our way to the wilderness to celebrate Easter in a special way. Chocolate bunnies, marshmallow peeps, and that horrible Easter grass, which is a nightmare to dispose of...as it multiplies faster than the chocolate bunnies, will be missing in action this year. With the store closing down and lack of income we aren't able to fulfill our Easter treats quota this year. The kids aren't upset and neither are we really. We will be gathering with friends in close to the same circumstances and share a nice ham...baked in a dutch oven among other really great side dishes all cooked outdoors.

The importance of Easter will be taught as we read our scriptures together as a family and for one moment all will be well with the world.


Thursday we plan to send Don off to Texas to find a job down there and move us down. I don't know how long we will be separated, but we both feel calm in our hearts. I questioned Heavenly Father if this was the right things to do and felt his loving reassurance...all is well. We will tell the kids today sometime and they will take it in stride.

We explained to them with the shop closing we would be planning on turning off our cable and land internet connections line. They understood and took it all in stride. It was then our mad skills as parents made itself known. My oldest emerged from her room and asked a question... "Can Molly and I babysit so we can put some money into the family fund...after paying our tithing of course?" She then explained her and her younger sister came up with this idea and then prayed about it. How can I say no? How can I deny them their blessings for their service towards family? It was one of those Mom moments where the clouds part and the heavens rain down glory as the angels sing a triumphant chorus. Believe me, this does not always happen.

So, for this weekend as you enjoy your Easter with family and friends. Soak it up. Soak up the love you have in your family and count your many blessings...you'll find you are not as bad off as you initially thought.

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Refrain

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Refrain

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Refrain

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

From bad to worse...

Seriously, I am thinking of writing a script. It could rival some of the greatest movies of all time. Roberto Begnini would be quite proud of my storytelling ability. At first it was simple. The property needed to be sold as we saw the sales going down consistently. It wasn't truly a big deal. We just figured we'd deal with it and move on. We made it through winter dismally and still watched as the income was dwindling. All around us our clients were being laid off one after another which means they have no disposable income. Roughly translated this means we aren't making much for money. So as we plummet down lower and lower we still go to church, we still serve in our callings, we still become closer to our Heavenly Father. As it is now there is a very real chance we could lose everything we tried so hard to build up. Our kids look to us with curious eyes hoping for the reassurance the deserve...we do our best. A leak is discovered in the wall of our hallway bathroom, we fix it. Our pool pump breaks down. We must actually replace the pump...guess what?! They can't find the bracket for the pump...we sit and wait...very patiently. Months now pass and we sit and wait as our water turns an incredibly gross color of green. We now own our own swamp. if anyone knows of a Swamp Thing" needing a place to rent please send him this way...we could use the money. As the weather here in California warmed flies and mosquitos begin to swarm the swamp. We worry about West Nile and call the local authorities requesting mosquito eating fish for our pool to eat the larvae until it can be fixed...it's a great free service they have here in the county. Will it work?! Sure it does...if we can keep the stupid birds from eating our mosquito fish!!!! No, I'm not kidding. We have decided to fly Don down to San Antonio to stay with his brother so he can find a job. It'll be a little hard being away from each other for awhile, but we will survive this and all will be well in the end.

The funny thing is...I don't even feel like crying...I feel the pure calm that can only come from one source...our Heavenly Father. All is well. All is well.

On the brighter side...Where would you live if you could?

Dear friends, I am trying to be more positive and not lose my marbles so I have a question today. A fellow blogger asked for our three favorite cities. So my question to you is this: Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the entire world? All expenses paid and you wouldn't have to work...wehre would you go?

As for me...I would be in Italy again...in a heartbeat. Oh I know you all have your romantic imaginations of Paris, but Italy is a palce I fell in love with. Rome is an incredible city with a vibe all its own. In Rome there are so many incredible cultural places you could go, gelato shops, shoes...incredbile shoes, gloves, the Colosseum, the Vatican to see the Sistine Chapel...in person.

However, my ultimate city may surprise you...or maybe not. I'd like to give you a tour of my city:

La Serenissima is my choice...also known as the republic of Venice.

Pulling into the city on a train was truly an icnredible way to enter into my Venice. I've got to say I loved being able to travel by train. It is such a cool experience. I wish we had more trains here for travel!!!

We boarded our gondola for delivery to our hotel. What an incredible way to see the city. Our goldolier, Antonio, was truly a delight as he maeuvered us through small alleyways I never thought he could fit the gondola through. Truly amazing!!!

We made it to our hotel and loved the setting and looking out to the courtyard below. In fact the picture of the door on my identity mark here on the blog is that door across the courtyard. So beautiful and simple.

We wandered...oh how we wandered. We created carnavale masks with the help of local artisans. I will always treasure Seabstiano's help in making me beautiful in mine. I don't have a picture of it, but someday!!!

We wandered the back alleyways never worrying about being mugged, attacked or anything of that nature. We simply walked. I felt safer there than any other city in the world. What an incredible time.

Someday we will return and I will have plenty of money to burn over in Murano Island...glass blowers extraordinaire where I will order my hand blown glass chandelier in the most intricate pattern...and they will deliver it to me. I will order small kitchen lights and sconces for my wall there. Incredibly fascinating...and hot in the blowing room. Amazing artists!!!

Next time I will venture to Burano Isle where handmade lace is created on a daily basis. I will more than likely find a tonf of beautiful things to purchase there as well.

On our final evening we were abducted by pirates and taken for a dinner cruise on the Venetian Lagoon. None of us minded being abducted by our pirate friends while curious tourists looked on!!!

So enjoy the pictures my dear friends and tell me...where would you live?

A camping we will go!!!!

Nothing says Easter like camping!!! Or does it? It started out as a couple of friends thinking this could be fun...not knowing it was Easter weekend. After clicking in on the upcoming holiday's arrival we shrugged our shoulders and decided to still completely go for it. Another family signed on to join us and the menu was laid out, assignments for who was bringing what were settled...and then it happened. We had to explain to both sides of the family why we weren't appearing at either house. To be honest when you say the phrase: "Sorry Mom, I won't be at Easter...I'm going camping." It truly does sound kind of lame no matter how you slice it. Whatever.

So we are departing into the great wilderness...Uh huh...less than a 30 minute drive from home to camp spot. What makes me laugh is that the camp sight is booked!!! There were only 4 camp spots left out of the 150 spots!!! Are you kidding me?!?!? My friend who was booking the spots asked the woman assisting her: "Really?! That many people are camping?!" Apparently the woman had no clue why we were shocked. "It is a holiday weekend." She replied dryly.

WHO GOES CAMPING ON EASTER?!?!?!

Oh wait...I do! Hoppy Easter Everyone!!!!

How do they know?!

Seriously, I was sitting in the store last week and my cell phone rang. A friend from high school. He was on Facebook and was concerned with me when he read my status. I was down, but the status was a simple act of frustration on the craziness in the world plus my own life. I found I couldn't answer the phone. Have you ever done that? Willingly and utterly silenced your phone on a friend?! I felt guilt over doing that, but at that moment my words would've most definitely betrayed me. Why do we do that? I surely can't be the only one who pushes others away for some quality time hiding under the covers waiting for the world to stop. The sad thing is...I have the absolute best friends in the world. Hands down they would be there for me. Of that fact I have no doubts whatsoever. Perhaps it is my issue with always wanting people to be happy and spilling the beans on how horribly I was doing would bring them down.

I finally called my good friend back and he was enjoying a nice dinner with friends at the Riverwalk. He asked how I was doing and instantly my throat seized and the words wouldn't come. Finally, I managed to pry open my lips and utter..."I'm fine."

It is those two words that give you away every time. "I'm fine" roughly translates into: "My world is a horrible spiral of doom, but thanks for asking." The instant those two stupid words crossed my lips I realized it was a spaghetti phrase...you can't suck it back in without anyone noticing. I could hear him distancing himself away from his friends and ask if I was the same fine as last week. I tried to cover it up. "No, really I'm fine." THOSE TWO STUPID WORDS AGAIN!!!! We hung up and I wanted to kick myself. Why can't I lock this up?!?!?! So frustrating. Hubby stood watching and shook his head. "Why don't you just be honest and tell him?"

Yeah...I don't know why. I'm waiting now with my little pink cell phone sitting on my lap knowing it will ring in the next hour or so and my friend will be there being the support he has always been. Will I actually fess up? I doubt it.

Why? I know you're asking...WHY?!

The answer is very simple. I grew up with two brothers who had their guy friends around ALL the time. I grew up playing soccer...which was very unladylike at the time... and all sports. Men are no nonsense people. They don't talk about feelings. Show no weakness!!! While in high school I began to hang around a few more girls and realized I couldn't stand the drama...imagine that from a drama geek like me!!! So, to be honest friends...I feel more comfortable hanging out with the guys, watching sports and eating pizza than I do on a spa date with a friend.

Do you know what else a blog is?! Free therapy!!! Thanks for the help...feel free to label me nutty...I've always known I had "clown syndrome."

Clown syndrome equals an insatiable need to make everyone else happy without thought or concern of yourself. And no...you will not find it in psychology today...that is a Just Me Original!!!

No words...

In our little bloggy world we seem to hide ourselves on the outside from each other...We must protect ourselves!!! From what?! From the outside dangers?!

My heart is still broken today as I think about the city I live in. Dear old Tracy, California...population over 80,000...and the home of MC hammer...though I have to tell you...I was here first! When I moved here in 1984 the numbers were far smaller...a third of its current size. Our city has changed from the small pit stop of a town it was 20 years ago. In the past 6 months Tracy has been on the nationwide news twice for some of the cruelest crimes imaginable. On a personal level at my children's school a substitute teacher was arrested for inappropriate touching of female students...thank heavens just hair and shoulders of the young ladies and not in my daughters' classes. We have had a teenager chained to a fireplace and literally tortured, a friend of mine was the ambulance that responded and she was sick to her stomach seeing what that boy endured. One of the brave police force in Oakland whose lives were tragically ended so thoughtlessly lived in a neighborhood nearby. And now a young girl, 8 years old, had gone missing over a week ago. She was found last night, discarded in a suitcase as if garbage.

I remember growing up living a dreamlike existence. My brothers and I would ride our bikes through a forested area behind the homes and feel a freedom kids this day aren't allowed. In our days people watched out for other children...not watched other children. I know I am living in a fantasy world wishing my children had the same opportunity as we did.

Anyway, today, whether they like it or not...when they get home from school....I will hold my children tight and tell them I love them.

heartbreaking

Tragic news appeared this evening as the little girl missing in Tracy, CA was found. She lived across town. I have friends who live in that mobile home park. Prayers for the family and the detectives who will find the beast who killed the sweet angel.

Never Alone!!!

last night I couldn't sleep. My insomnia took over and I sat here in my comfy chair until nearly 2am. I then jumped into bed bound and determined to get "some" sleep before conference began. I did. of course I slept a bit too well and forgot my cell phone, which doubles as my alarm clock, was in the living room. The alarm didn't go off. Instead I slept until I heard the kids...entirely across the house screaming and playing. That didn't deter me. my body was quite content to shut out my children and sleep on. The Lord was not satisfied and reached out to my neighbor and receive his aid to help wake us up to watch a particular talk seemed destined for just us.

At 9:44am...I know...bad LDS mom!!!...we awoke to the sounds of our children screaming in laughter and our neighbors very loud mariachi music. Our neighbor is a very nice hispanic man who doesn't speak english...we don't talk much. needless to say we received that message and pushed the button to sit up in bed...I love my bed...and turned on general conference. I am not kidding you that once the tv clicked on the music stopped and the laughter died down. What was being said was meant for our ears and I loved it. Looking around my house I realized...the coushes we have...are simply couches. The tables we own are simply tables. The mirrors we own...are simply mirrors. Everything we own are simply objects...they mean nothing. Though there are some with emotional attachment I will not part with...A solid oak cradle my father created for each one of his children when his grandchildren were on the way. However all in all...they are simply useless objects used to beautify a home.

The message was clear. I was to downsize and remove many of the items that clutter my home and find new homes for them gaining a little extra oney in the process. My head rushed in with different items I could sell in a garage sale. I actually have a bathroom sink/cabinet still in the original boxing as I haven't taken the chance to install it. Why do I have these items?! I feel a garage sale and craigs list coming on!!! I can purge myself of the items I don't want or need. What a fun time it will be to clean my house around me. I am excited and thrilled!!! It will most definitely be a good thing!!!

I can hardly wait for the move to come. I can hardly wait to jump feet first into the unknown. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father's guidance and helping me overcome the darkness that filled my eyes for the past couple days. There is now sun shining brightly from them....and I know that deliverance is nigh.

When life closes a door...

We've all heard the saying when the Lord closes a door he opens a window. At least I'm somewhat sure anyway. What we don't always realize is while we are searching for that open window he also turns on the radio so we can hear the voices of friends, family or even complete strangers cheering us on and helping us to find the location of said window.

So, dear friends, Today I look towards my radio and say thank you to my favorite broadcasters. Many times, it is hard for a person to make it through different trials, but it would be harder to be alone. I turn first to my lord and Savior Jesus Christ that He may share my yoke. I find as we take each step bearing the burden together we are not alone. Around me are friends with hands slid under my half of the yoke lifting a small portion of that burden from my shoulders making my portion of the burden even lighter. Sometimes, I can't even feel the burden on my shoulders.

Thank you all for your support. Thank you all for your friendship. Most of all thank you for helping lift the yoke from my shoulders and making each step easier

Confessions of an angry businesswoman...

You all know how I feel. I've plastered it across the blog enough. We are preparing to close shop. There really is only so long we can stare at each other while just making enough to pay the PGE bill. As for me, I am tired. I am tired and worn out emotionally and it is time to shake off the dust and start rebuilding the life we once had. No, I am not going to realize my dream of being a stay at home mother...not for a little while anyway. Instead I will jump back out into the workforce and make a difference somewhere, somehow.

Yesterday we worked on our resumes and today I sent them out across the net plastering inboxes of with my smiling face. I wasn't truly picky about what I am going to do. There are so many wonderful opportunities everywhere and I am looking forward to belonging somewhere. I hope and pray I can find my way somewhere. There are so many opportunities I can hardly wait!!! To be honest, I could even scoop the whale poop out of the tanks of the killer whales...A dream job to be sure. I love aquatic animals...especially dolphins and orcas.

So, yes, it sucks that my entire life is uprooted,I have to pack my belongings again and land somewhere I am unsure of, but at the same time...change is exciting!!! Waiting for us are family and an old friend from high school. Waiting for us are new places and faces. I can hardly wait to go!!!

Little Wonders...

A friend some time ago mentioned this song to me and I have taken it to be my personal trials song. It encourages me to keep pushing on through the trials and pains of everyday life. Enjoy.

Are we there yet?

I feel like I did when I was younger. I remember how my parent would announce we would be leaving on a family vacation and I was excited. The destination didn't matter too much to me...unless it was Disneyland. I mean really, who doesn't LOVE Disneyland!??! Oh and I'd like to invite anyone who doesn't share my love of Disney to keep it to themselves as I will more or less snap...too many trials here my friends.





Anyhoo, I remember climbing into the car and watching the lights go by from my window. As a child it was always so exciting. More often than not I would be the one screaming...Are we there yet? Are we there yet?!





It is this particular moment I find myself doing the same thing. "Lord, Are we there yet?" I want to scream, but as of yet I have refrained. However, He sees my heart and has more than likely seen what I am feeling. Needless to say we are still here. Yesterday I spent a few minutes showing a couple of gentlemen the property. They want to build a gas station here. I believe they would do well and I pray it works. The older gentleman explained that as long as the city would allow him to put gas tanks in front of the store he was ready to buy. A lump formed in my neck. Hu-WHAT did her say?!?!





The problem is...I don't believe him. I believe in the Lord. Men are born to weakness and so I find myself not exactly believing what anyone tells me until I see it first hand. I've been disappointed too many times.

So I sit and wait. I tap the keys of the keyboard as I stare at the clock and time passes me by. Lord, are we there yet?