That is what I am. Although on the outside I am watching people around slowly crumble under the strain of the crumbling economy, but secretly my heart pounds in worry for my family and eventually myself. Yes, I have been all about me. Why not? It seems my world is crumbling inside and out. I have our yearly tax season beating upon me, our lack of customer enthusiasm has been slowly causing worry lines to march across my face, the pump on our swimming pool decided to die (did you know that it is a law that your pool must be working at the point of the sale of the property), I am giving a talk on Sunday (one of my biggest fears in the world, although being the queen of the drama geeks put me on stage acting like a loon is normal for me) and I am planning on fasting tomorrow (I don't do fasts well).
Now, onto the good news....we had customers today that learned we were starting to bulk up and that hay is on the way. We have the most incredible pool guy you have ever seen. he was able to locate a pump that will cost a mere $400 instead of the new $2000 units that are soon to be required when pumps go out. I love you Super Ron!!! My talk is written, but I found out for a case a Snickers I could get someone else's name put into the program as the speaker. As for the fast....I figure it is all in the faith you put into it. This week I have been sufficiently humbled and I am truly grateful that I can serve the youth in the temple tomorrow and even more thankful that my kids totally love going to the temple. By August we should have our entire family be able to go and do temple work together. How fun does that sound?! I only pray that some clarity will be coming regarding the sale of the store. I know it is coming soon. I truly feel it in my very being. I trust Heavenly Father and I thank Him for everything He has done. This is an incredible learning experience and I am grateful for it. I know, I sound like a sick puppy. I am truly thankful for my trials. Let me give you an example: So far in my life:
* I married a man when not all of the family was happy....he is my heart and the love of my life.
*I could not birth my first child normal....I had a c-section where they found a cyst the size of a grapefruit on my ovary. I followed that with a c-section every year making it three babies in three years....no wonder my doctor said no more.
*We've lived on $25 a week for groceries...I can't wait to start it again. besides, living humbly gave me so many incredible blessings and experiences.
*I made it through a newborn that had trouble breathing when she was born...Molly's still my baby even though she is 11 years old and looks more like a woman than a baby.
*I had to have surgery to remove my gall bladder during my 6th month of pregnancy...I really believe that's where Molly's curly hair came from
*my husband was missing on Mount hood up in Oregon for 9 hours...he was our stake's own lost handcart company and he was found...no he didn't find the ten lost tribes, thanks for asking. he survived the hypothermia and I didn't go into premature labor ...Molly again.
* our apartment building was on fire...Nothing was damaged in our apartment.
* hubby lost his job and we had to move in with my family...my parents earned many wonderful blessings for the long suffering they've endured...and of course the booger wall...no I am not telling you about that one. I think it's self explanatory.
*a child needing emergency surgery...Molly again...boy she's a troublemaker!!! She had an abcess behind her left cheekbone nearing her eye and brain. The doctor's believed it was going to cause her to lose her sight and brain damage...we learned faith as she was given a blessing. The next morning as they went in for the surgery...the abcess moved from behind her cheekbone to the front in her sinus cavity...thank you Heavenly Father!!!
So, with this trial I am re-learning humility. I am working on being meek. Most importantly I am trying to learn to focus on others instead of myself.