This move has been a good one on so many levels, but challenging on far too many others. My first year here I attended church perhaps 10....maybe 12 times. The rest of my family attended every Sunday. That distance from church weighs heavily on a person's soul.
Since changing my position I find myself being able to attend church more often. My problem? I've lost all my heart and love for it. I found myself no enjoying the sweet music declaring praises to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. I know at some point I will, but does anyone have any suggestions on how to fall in love with church again?
4 comments:
I wish I knew. After years of dreading Sundays, I finally quit going. I feel some guilt about it and I keep resolving to go back but the peaceful, non-demanding Sundays I am currently enjoying with my family are simply more fullfilling to me than the endless meetings and obligations over there.
I guess at least now I can feel guilty for not attending rather than working like crazy doing all the callings and bazillion other things they want- and still feeling guilty because no matter how much I give, it's never enough. The insatiable appetite for people's time is the case with any volunteer organization but it wears a person out. I need to recharge and rethink and I have been.
When I do go back, it will be with MUCH better boundaries. I won't be the girl who can't say no ever again and the guilt trips won't work on me.
I wish I could tell you how to get the desire for spiritual connection back but I don't know myself. Perhaps just starting with some of the modern books by Church authors on spiritual topics will start getting you back in the 'mood' without being demanding?
I was worried I would lose friends by even admitting I had fallen out of love with church. I feel lucky that I am abl to say no to things and not feel guilty....AND we have a terrific bishop who undestands I am working full-time, going to school full-time and still trying to make it there when I can. I've got a really big church book library so I think you are right and I should take a book and sit down and read it. Thank you so much Cynthia for your suggestion.
I know where you are at right now. Mentally, I went through the same thing several years ago, though still kept going. When I finally learned to say no and allow myself to not feel guilty, knowing my limits, it was a change that was incredible in my life.
The world didn't end when I couldn't make the perfect desert for the Relief Society birthday dinner. The Lord knew I couldn't do it and that was all there was to it.
I rewrote that comment several times before I posted it because I was so worried about how it would come across. It's nice to see you got it in the spirit I intended it. It's also nice to be understood. Since I live in "Zion", can't say that out loud around here. Not because people won't understand, I think MOST people have been here if they are honest, but because it's not okay.
I've found that Satan can really get to a person through small ways in making one feel the frustrations that can accompany with having the "perfect" experience at church. Of course, I've also had to realize that as I am not perfect, neither is anyone else. So, I do understand your frustration. At one point I didn't even know why I even bothered to go to church since I spent most of the 3 hours in the hallway trying to calm squirrely babies and kids. Since then, I watch my kids and wonder at the testimonies they have in going even when we weren't able to go due to work schedules.
At some point you will return to church and feel the spirit coursing through your veins. It will be an incredible experience, just don't draw too far away. You are truly a precious woman who dserves to feel the spirit as well. We can do this!!! Love ya just the way you are!!!
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