What is it?!

What is it about parties, most especially holiday parties that makes me turn into that 7th grade geek that I always was? I gt so nervous the day of anyone's party that has invited me. What should I wear? What should I bring? What if there is nobody to talk to? What if they think I am a dork and I am put on the party blackball list. I know, I know...it's just my insecurities. I don't do well in large groups. Partially because of my dorkdom...a friend from high school told me I was the queen of dorks...great! Oh hey? Do I get a tiara for that?! Just checking....really!!! Mostly I think is because any large group of people I never do well with because it turns out bad...really bad. One ward Christmas a woman asked when I was due. I turned to her with a smile on my face and said: "I'm sorry, I'm not pregnant...I'm just fat." Then I gave her a hug because she was properly mortified and all was well in my world. My main problem with large gatherings is that I simply cannot hear. I don't know why my hearing is bad...insert memories of all the loud concerts and high school dances I left with my ears ringing here. I should go get it checked but it took me this long to get my eyes checked. Maybe next century!!!
Well all. I will march my insecure little self over to the party and have a fabulous time pretending I know exactly what you all are saying. I know that I will more than likely receive a ton of comments telling me how insane I am to be insecure, but I am what I am!!! Does anyone else have insecurities or am I the only one left on the planet?!